UNLEARNING SURVIVAL: HOW HISTORY SHAPES SELF-SABOTAGE IN BLACK MEN

Self-sabotage, defined by Dictionary.com as “the act of hindering one’s own goals, well-being, or relationships, often through behaviors that contradict one’s desires,” can also be understood as the lack of faith in one’s own dreams—an internalized doubt that leads to destructive patterns.  The act of self-sabotage is often unintentional, arising from a lack of self-love or self-reflection.  While this phenomenon is widespread, for black men, self-sabotage is attributed to the stigmas of forced masculinity, mass incarceration, and generational traumas in the black community.  Such intense history with a lack of self-work leads many black men to unintentionally sabotage their personal and professional relationships.  The worst part about self-sabotage within black men is the fact that they often don’t realize how their patterns are hampering them from reaching the success that they may not even believe they deserve.

The histories of forced masculinity and societal expectations must be recognized in order for black men to reach success and peace within their daily lives.  The emotions of enslaved people were controlled by their slave-holders, who intended to place feelings of belittlement and worthlessness upon them.  When black men have to be continuously strong as a means of survival, a decline in trust arises even when it's with those who may be trying to help.  Such isolation and survival skills have created a generational trait of emotional suppression for black men, especially. When the expectations of gender roles collide with the history of enslavement, the reality that Black people are seven times more likely to be wrongfully convicted, and the weight of systemic racism, it becomes difficult for Black men to feel comfortable conforming to societal expectations (“Race and Wrongful Conviction”).

The weight of Black history can have a significant impact on Black people’s mental health and their ability to feel worthy in elevated spaces.  This has a connection to Post Traumatic slave syndrome, the theory that many of the survival behaviors of African American communities stem from multigenerational oppression of Africans and their descendants (“Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome”).  Although Black men have achieved countless accomplishments over time, many struggle to build upon those successes because of limited support and suppressed feelings of unworthiness. If black men have no sense of worthiness relating to their accomplishments, they may fall into patterns that cause them to lose all that they worked for.

While women are often encouraged to reflect on how history shapes their personal patterns, men—particularly Black men—are rarely given that space.  The societal pressures placed upon black men can lead them to close off emotionally, and, while these challenges are rooted in real issues, they can create harmful traits that sabotage long-lasting partnerships.  Within relationships, many black women experience emotional unavailability from black men or feel as if their emotional needs are not being met (Brand).  This can show up as a lack of communication, disrespect, or manipulation, which are typically viewed as “red flags” in relationships.  These behaviors can spiral into dishonesty and even unfaithfulness. A well-known example of this played out publicly when Jay-Z cheated on Beyoncé.  The public often questioned how he could cheat on a woman as brilliant, talented, and beautiful as Beyoncé, but this issue is rooted in something much deeper.  In an interview with New York Times Executive Editor Dean Baquet, Jay Z delved into his difficult childhood that caused him to isolate himself and shut down emotionally.  He explained that, in his experience, life felt like constant survival: ‘You have to survive.  So you go into survival mode—and when you’re in survival mode, what happens?  You shut down all emotions.’ (“Jay-Z Admits That He Cheated On Beyoncé”)”  When discussing his infidelity, he admitted that it stemmed from all the factors of his childhood.  I commend the reflection that Jay- Z was able to do, as many black men are not able to see the root of their unfaithfulness.  Experiencing childhood trauma and living with a constant sense of being in survival mode can significantly interfere with one’s ability to engage in healthy, productive behaviors, especially in relationships.  When black men are unable to express boundaries at home, they are not conditioned to believe that love should be full of mutual understanding and unconditional love.  Instead, their lack of trust in people leads to them hurting others before they can become hurt themselves.

Beyond personal life, self-sabotage can also show up in professional spaces for black men, when their trauma disrupts their progress. When people aren’t taught how to properly invest in themselves and their futures, professional spaces can be hard to navigate.  This is not to be confused with capabilities, as black men are hard workers and extremely capable of reaching high places of power.  However, there must be a feeling of support and worthiness surrounding oneself, to fully show up and be successful in the workplace.  A prime example of a successful black man who lost sight of his successes is Allen Iverson.  Iverson was an extremely skilled basketball player, being a first-round pick to the Philadelphia 76ers in the 1996 NBA Draft, and earning more than $150 million in NBA salary during his 14-year career.  He earned many brand partnership offers, including Jordan and Reebok, ultimately choosing Reebok which offered him a 10-year $50 million contract. 

During his high school career, Iverson was charged and convicted for maiming a mob, resulting in four months spent at a correctional facility.  He managed to overcome this setback and rise to prominence in his sport; however, his levels of success soon diminished due to his poor spending habits.  Iverson was known by those close to him as a heavy spender, often splurging on clothes, restaurants, and clubs, and rarely refusing a request for money from his friends. His former teammate Matt Barnes told Sports Illustrated that Iverson would throw anywhere from $30,000 to $40,000 at the club stating, “Allen was the first guy that showed me how NBA players spend money in strip clubs” (Mcgee). Iverson’s lack of financial planning cost him crucial growth in his career, leading him to file for bankruptcy before the age of 40. Many black men experience a downfall in their professions when they haven’t prepared for what they want their futures to hold. Intentionally setting goals for the future is what sustains the momentum of success; yet for Black men who have not been encouraged or conditioned to dream without limitations, it becomes easy for that progress to be hindered.

Self-sabotage among Black men must not be separated from the history of systemic oppression and generational trauma that shapes it. Emotional suppression and stigmas around forced masculinity are unhealthy coping methods that black men face daily due to a lack of resources in our community. As a society, we must encourage spaces for minorities that are filled with goal-setting, emotional support, and self-reflection. While self-sabotage is far from healthy, it cannot be combatted without active steps towards breaking cycles. True progress requires both recognition of the past and a commitment to affirming the Black men around us.

 Sincerely,

Zaliyah Emmanuel

Documentary Filmmaking, BA 

Works Cited

Babb, Kent. “Allen Iverson, NBA icon, struggles with life after basketball.” The Washington Post, 19 April 2013, https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/wizards/allen-iverson-nba-icon-struggles-with-life-after-basketball/2013/04/19/bfd108f8-a76e-11e2-a8e2-5b98cb59187f_story.html.

Brand, Yvette. “The Changing Landscape of Love: Reasons Behind Black Women Opting Out of Relationships with Black….” Medium, 8 March 2025, https://medium.com/the-reflection-space/the-changing-landscape-of-love-reasons-behind-black-women-opting-out-of-relationships-with-black-d93fd6fc34cd. Accessed 19 August 2025.

“Jay-Z Admits That He Cheated On Beyoncé.” Vogue, 30 November 2017, https://www.vogue.com/article/jay-z-admits-infidelity-beyonce. Accessed 19 August 2025.

Mcgee, Noah. “How NBA Star AIlen Iverson Blew His Riches, But This One Hidden Miracle Kept His Bag Flowing.” Sports Yahoo, 31 March 2025, https://sports.yahoo.com/article/rise-fall-redemption-allen-iverson-200300562.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAJI9dbnIT5_dM4_KrNrOqEXHHCkJP3EF8jDKhI52DvKR24dXtlZXdz2pP6LhmBNMGW8XB4mWgP2No8MEk1tOo8FZAiXt.

“Mental health can be fundamental to survival after slavery.” Anti-Slavery International, 10 October 2019, https://www.antislavery.org/latest/mental-health-can-be-fundamental-to-survival-after-slavery/. Accessed 17 August 2025.

“Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome.” Dr. Joy DeGruy, https://www.joydegruy.com/post-traumatic-slave-syndrome. Accessed 19 August 2025.

“Race and Wrongful Conviction.” Innocence Project, https://innocenceproject.org/race-and-wrongful-conviction/. Accessed 19 August 2025.